My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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