At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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