Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
