you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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