And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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