He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
