I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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