she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize