Welp...herpes.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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