So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
