either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
