if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
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I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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