Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
