1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
