Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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