She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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