you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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