It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize