Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
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I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
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Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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