i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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