I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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