just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
