for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
