If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
