is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
pray to the hookup gods
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
