Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize