yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize