My girlfriend figured out who you are.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
