Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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