how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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