your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
