i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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