i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
