She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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