My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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