I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have feelings that need drinking.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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