This is not my ceiling
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
