Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
