So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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