btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
