I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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