I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
