So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
