my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
