who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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