dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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