The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
