I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
