I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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