Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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