I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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