dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
time to smoke my breakfast
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
