I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
