"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
