How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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