I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
