An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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