I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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