In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
