She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
