I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
