Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she peed on how many people?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
