Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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