Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
