i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
