I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
operation have a gay friend backfired
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize